ITT: SAD JEDI

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan stood behind the little hovel he called home, tending to Rooh-the-eopie. He watched the first of the two suns sink below the horizon, halving the amount of light that bathed the desert. Dusk was here, and soon so would night, and so too would the bad dreams arrive: the images of terrified younglings and friends dying. But he closed his eyes against the early onslaught of thoughts. There was no need to let them plague him before their time; if he let them take him at any moment at all then there was no way that he could go on.

Opening his eyes, he stroked Rooh's snout carefully, calming her as she became restless. He made sure she was secured, fed and watered, then he moved onto her son, Tooh. Tooh wasn't big enough yet to be ridden, but that was alright. When he took Ferus to Mos Eisley they could walk and he would lead the eopies with them. He could ride Rooh home, or pick up some supplies and have her carry them. But the walk there would be good for them all, he thought.

Ferus Olin was inside the hut, taking care of whatever would pass for dinner that night. It wouldn't be long now before they parted ways, before Ferus took his leave to Alderaan, but for now the company was something of a comfort. Ferus was family, though they hardly got along perfectly. Ferus mouthed off, for one thing, and questioned Obi-Wan regularly. It was a little like having Anakin--

Obi-Wan stopped his thoughts again, patting Tooh and straightening up. Ferus wasn't Anakin. He never would be. But he had come closer to becoming Anakin than either of them dared talk about.

For now there was much pain for both of them.

He stood on the hill, looking east, toward the Lars homestead in the far distance. He waited for the second sun to set and wondered. He wished he could reach out with the Force to Luke, check that all was well, but he couldn't connect to him. Shouldn't, even if he could.

It was lonely in the desert, so far from everything, even with Ferus there. In some ways, Obi-Wan thought, more so because Ferus was there, comfort or not. They had both lost so much: friends, family, purpose. More than Obi-Wan could bear, he thought some days. But now they were guardians of the galaxy's hope. It would be a long, difficult job, but Obi-Wan would shoulder that burden. He only hoped that Ferus could too. He didn't know how the young man was coping. Obi-Wan barely knew how he was coping.

The sun finally disappeared, leaving him in relative darkness before the stars began to twinkle into life. He turned his chin up to the sky, searching for familiar constellations he would never find from this remote planet. He had never paid much attention to Tatooine in the past, even knowing it was Anakin's homeworld. It wasn't as if it should have mattered. But a remarkable amount of the galaxy seemed to orbit around this little planet on the outer rim.

And here they were, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ferus Olin. Two men, stripped of everything, almost ready to say goodbye. How long would they need to hold together before peace returned?

Comments

[bellassa]

Ferus saw the night fall as well, through one of the small windows in this tiny home in the middle of a desert, but he paid it little mind. His thoughts were elsewhere and everywhere - scattered, incomplete, the way they had been for the last few days. Ever since he'd woken up he'd found it difficult to focus in the midst of the pain he tried desperately to keep in place but had no energy to fight with.

Peace that seemed impossible to find in his head could be had in his hands when he was working. Menial tasks became important and though distracted he made sure to keep busy in the few ways Obi-Wan could offer him. It was when he stopped that the pain and guilt and grief grew the loudest.

So he was cooking, despite having never felt any particular joy for it in his life.

He was grateful to Obi-Wan and right now, especially for the momentary space. They both needed it, he knew, just as much as they needed the opposite. They had their disagreements. But they had understanding, too. And sitting backwards on a chair watching a stew simmer slowly in this tiny kitchen, Ferus felt another wave of regret: that he hadn't come here sooner. That he hadn't heeded Obi-Wan's warnings before it was too late.

Because while he hadn't expected or believed to find peace on Tatooine - and hadn't, in fact - there was an assurance in being with family again, or what was left of a family he'd somehow lost twice.

He missed all of them. The wound left by that loss was made more raw and fresh by the fact that it had only been days since the Jedi he'd found had been killed. Destroyed.

And yet there was another loss that cut deeper, but before he let his thoughts stray that far, Ferus swallowed and stood and took the meal off the heat.

[form_iii]

It was with a sigh that Obi-Wan finally ceased his contemplation of the night sky, the galaxy, the weight of everything that fell upon them--and that, one day, would fall upon Luke and Leia. But tonight was not that night, and for now a little peace could perhaps be found in sharing a quiet meal with what little was left of his family. A family that had become even smaller in the past week, something for which he knew Ferus was still blaming himself.

He checked on the eopie pair once more, watched them settle down for the evening, then re-entered his makeshift house.

Dinner at least was done (and probably done better than he could have managed, at that), and he watched Ferus for a moment as he removed it from the heat. Obi-Wan pulled the hood of his cloak down, then took it off and hung it up neatly, before he entered the kitchen. He nodded to his guest quietly, a small appreciative gesture, before he started to get the dishes for them both.

Let them come to you, he thought, and so he remained silent. Ferus was the one who knew best what Ferus needed. Obi-Wan would let him dictate the conversation over supper, should there be any.

[bellassa]

Ferus allowed the silence to stretch for the moment. Shifting back to let Obi-Wan move through the small space, he simply waited, and he knew with certainty that Obi-Wan was waiting as well. He didn't mind this, exactly. Had picked up on this manner for the few days he'd been on Tatooine. He couldn't be sure what exactly it was Obi-Wan was waiting for him to do or say however, mainly because he didn't know himself, and that must be a problem.

There were a lot of things he should speak of, he knew. Coming clean would maybe ease the shadow that hung low over him and weighed him down. Maybe it would help the anger that still lay close to the surface, beneath the skin. But he'd almost crossed over, and he'd used the Dark Side, and he'd looked into the Sith mind ... none of these things could be undone.

And all of these things were his own failings.

He didn't meet Obi-Wan's eyes when he filled his bowl and sat again.

Silences could have many qualities, of course. Silences weren't bad on their own. But suddenly this one was grating on Ferus and he let out a sigh as he looked up.

"You think I'm still in need of help."

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan was perfectly fine with the silence for the time being, otherwise he wouldn't have let it go on. But in his experience, silence was often the best response and coaxed more out of your conversational partner than a well-formulated thought could. But it also wasn't always the answer.

The problem, of course, was that he didn't know all of what Ferus was feeling or thinking or had done. He had told him some, but not all, of what had transpired and he was certain that he had also lied to him before and, likely, to himself as well. He expected honesty more than that, though, and would not hold it against him.

Ferus had been touched by darkness. That he was here now at all was admirable.

He rose his eyebrows when Ferus broke the silence though, watching him for a moment. For an instant he debated the options: he could stay silent to push him further, he could probe him gently, he could offer him what wisdom Obi-Wan felt he still had.

"What I think," he said cautiously after that moment of silence, "is that we are still in the early days of our journey forward."

In other words: yes, Ferus. He thinks you have a long way to go toward recovery.

[bellassa]

The next day brought more heat. More dry desert air and more sand. Perhaps most notably the day came with more glaring light from the twin suns that hung well above the horizon when Ferus woke, and he sighed softly as he sat up and shielded his eyes.

Morning again, he thought, although he couldn't be completely sure without a chrono when it came to a new planet. Obi-Wan didn't have one that he knew of and this didn't surprise him. Time didn't seem to matter on Tatooine. Especially not to someone in exile.

Alderaan would at least have forests, although there was something bitter still in his mind when he thought of where he would be going so soon. He tried not to feel it but it couldn't be helped, not when he still longed for his home planet. To just walk the streets of Ussa again. See the lake. Hear Roan's laugh in his ear.

He dressed quickly, and not finding Obi-Wan anywhere in the small home, he went outside.

The heat always took him by surprise. And despite how familiar the sight was becoming, Obi-Wan tending to his two eopies was still something that caught Ferus slightly off guard. There was something so oddly domestic about it, so normal. And Obi-Wan had never struck him as someone inclined toward animals at all.

"How are they doing?" he asked by ways of greeting, trying to keep his tone light. He still felt deeply troubled - that wouldn't go away for a long time, he knew. But last night had been exhausting and he wasn't in a hurry to go back there.

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan had been up for some time, though not overly long. Long enough to have had something light to eat--one of their muja muffins, purchased mostly so that Ferus would have something better to eat while he was still a guest at Obi-Wan's little hovel--and to have cleaned himself up, and then he had gone outside to meditate in the heat and to tend to the animals.

He didn't know what time it was either, though it was approaching late morning, judging by the angle of the larger sun.

He was growing accustomed to this life of seclusion on Tatooine though he could not, exactly, say that he liked it. It was a duty, and one he would gladly do now, but the days were long and, before Ferus had returned, they had been largely empty.

Eopies were not outstanding conversational partners.

His days with Annileen had been much more invigorating, but those had been few, and he had long since sent her off-planet. He assumed he would never see her or her family again. At least the Tuskens seemed set on leaving him alone now.

He had been feeding Tooh for the second time that day when Ferus came out of the makeshift house and inquired as to their well-being.

"Good morning," Obi-Wan greeted, looking back for a moment and inclining his head toward Ferus. He turned his attention back to the beasts with a light frown. "They're alright," he began. "Tooh seems to be eating well, but I'm afraid I might not be well enough stocked to feed a growing boy."

[bellassa]

Ferus smiled slightly and shook his head. He couldn't begin to think of the eopies in such human terms, but whether Obi-Wan was saying it in humour or not, he still thought to.

"He doesn't feed from his mother?" he asked, a little curious despite himself. He'd never had much cause to have a hand with animals. He knew much about them, usually, but most creatures he'd been up and personal with had usually been of the kind that were attempting to harm him.

Siri had always told him he needed to be more in touch with the Living Force, so he supposed that was another reason he didn't immediately feel like he'd know how to handle the beasts, although of course Obi-Wan had had a fair bit of time to get to know them.

They seemed curious but slightly wary of Ferus. He didn't mind. He wasn't out to win their hearts. He'd be gone soon, besides.

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan heard the sound of feet pounding the floor, light and fast as they fled from danger. He heard heavy, panic-laced breaths as they fled for their lives. He smelled burning hair, saw the dim blue and green lights of sabers whirring through the air as Padawans fought desperately. He could taste the fear in the air as he felt heat from flames roiling through the air, consuming everything.

This wasn't a holo this time.

He was there, in the Temple, watching it burn to the ground as younglings cried and held each other.

He needed to get to them, to protect them. He reached for the saber on his belt only to find that his arms wouldn't obey him. He could not move. He could do nothing--only wait and watch, helpless. As he had been for so long.

There were footsteps behind him, slower, calmer. Something broke in him, letting him free, and he nearly stumbled forward. Slowly, Obi-Wan turned to the man who approached him.

He could not see a face in the darkness. Just the steak of a red blade pointed to the ground, just the dim yellow glow of eyes staring out at him. But he didn't need to see the face to know who it was, what was happening. He knew without a doubt that this was--

--Obi-Wan woke with a start, gasping for breath like a dying man as he jerked up off the makeshift sleepcouch into a sitting position. His head swam. He heard Yoda's words swimming through his mind, Gone he is.

That wasn't how it had happened. But his dreams did not care.

For the first time in many days, but not the first time since everything had happened, Obi-Wan wished he had died. But this time there was no one to say it to, no Yoda to remind him to live.

He curled into himself, pressing his palms into his eyes as he took steadying breaths and tried to regain composure. It felt like a long time that he sat there, though he knew it was mere seconds.

Starting to rise, Obi-Wan was not sure where he was going to go. To look upon Anakin's lightsaber again, most likely, to think of his regrets and his failures. To remind himself that Anakin had chosen this path and that Obi-Wan could have done nothing. But that was the problem:

He did nothing.

He glanced up to the windows as he rose, and finally caught sight of a silhouette against the dim moonlight. He started for a moment, remembering the figure from his dream, remembering--no, he reminded himself. He should not expect to be alone.

"Ferus," he said, voice low to mask the strain. "You're awake."

[bellassa]

He was awake. He'd not been awake very long, but once he'd woken it was clear that he wouldn't get any sleep, and so he hadn't tried. There was one particularly big window in Obi-Wan's hut, one that reached almost all the way to the floor. That's where he'd wound up. One knee drawn up, back against the deep grove that opened into the night air ... just watching the desert and the moons, and feeling the chill.

It was crisp, and it reminded him that he was alive and in tune to his surroundings, and that was grounding.

Whatever had woken him, he couldn't quite remember, but maybe that was for the better. Roan's face was at the forefront of his mind, which wasn't surprising, nor the fact that his hands had been shaking when he'd quietly slipped out of the bed. Now, again, he held the warming crystal Obi-Wan had given him in one hand, letting himself be soothed by its warmth and the significance it held.

And he felt calm, if still saddened. He realized he always would be from now on but he was also starting to accept that.

Then, of course, he heard the distress. It had been impossible not to pick up on. The ragged breathing, the way Obi-Wan's heart beat, and Ferus couldn't bear that - this was personal, nothing he should listen to, not when he thought he could imagine what it was about.

He closed his eyes and gathered the Force around him. Instead of using it to strip background sounds away, this time he reached for them, lost himself in them; the snoozing breaths of the eopies, the distant winds, the scratchy way the sand moved with it, the whispering of razor moss and funnel flowers.

It wasn't as easy as it should have been, but his connection to the Force had been rocked. He still had it, of course. He could feel it. But it was confused and uncertain as it fought the dark side that still lingered deep inside him.

Maybe that's what had woken him. His own disturbance.

Blinking his eyes open to find his vision misty, he turned his head to look at Obi-Wan when he heard his name, and he nodded. Eased out of the sounds he'd gathered around himself.

He hesitated, but not for very long. "I heard", he said quietly. "Are you alright?"

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan would have hoped that Ferus had not heard, but he was hardly foolish enough to have assumed that he hadn't. So it was good that Ferus was honest about it, telling him without any real hesitation that he had heard Obi-Wan's struggles as he woke. Doubly so because Obi-Wan had not been immediately aware of Ferus, letting himself breathe and react for a moment before he had acknowledged him.

He didn't answer the question immediately, instead slowly rising to his feet and brushing himself down as if worried about how he might appear in the dim light. In truth it was little more than a way to gain a few precious seconds as he weighed his answer.

Ultimately, though, he was honest.

"No," he replied plainly, clearing his throat slightly and recollecting himself. Instead of elaborating he asked, "you weren't able to sleep?"

[form_iii]

So far, the morning had mostly been peaceful.

The suns and sand were scalding, as usual, of course, and the grief hung over the hut like a thick veil. But all things considered, with all the pain and menace in the galaxy, the morning had not been a particularly bad one. It had been mostly silent, perhaps given the weight of everything that had happened to the two men and all that they had spoken of in the past few days. But Obi-Wan was content enough with the silence. It was a mostly comfortable one, an ease, not one born of any lack of desire for companionship.

Ferus was tending to the eopies in their pen, at Obi-Wan's request. He thought it might be good for him to interact with the animals more. It wasn't as if either of them was any more in tune to the living Force than the other, but the animals could offer comfort. Especially when they were willing to offer affection and loyalty for the simple task of refilling their bins with feed.

Obi-Wan, for his part, was working on the vaporator in front of the hut. He was still missing parts and tools, but nothing so crucial that he couldn't work on it yet. He tried to use the Force to guide him, to help him know which settings to use and which way to adjust the circuitry. It allowed a sensitivity and carefulness to the adjustment that most of the local farmers would not be able to replicate. But of course Obi-Wan did not have their experience or know-how to know the real best way to do it. And he certainly didn't have the vaporator working well enough to actually test his settings.

He just hoped that when he finally got it properly and steadily working the water didn't taste like sand.

Obi-Wan could not have possibly told himself what told him to look up and back from his work. It wasn't a warning, there was no danger here. But he lifted his head, then stood, turning back toward the Oasis in the distance.

There was a dewback and rider heading in their direction.

Obi-Wan removed his hood and squinted against the light of the suns, Tatoo I--or was it Tatoo II?--silhouetting the rider to the point that she was indistinguishable for a long moment. But soon it became clear that the figure was not just red because she was bathed in sunlight.

Ah.

"Leelee," Obi-Wan greeted as the Zelton woman came to a slow stop and dismounted a few paces away.

"Ben," she replied stonily.

There was a long moment before Obi-Wan thought again, ah. There was the awkward silence that had been missing.

[bellassa]

Ferus was at least learning to not accidentally intimidate the eopies. It had taken him a little time to get to that point, but he was now willing to try to talk to them and pet them as they fed, and while it was obvious enough why Obi-Wan thought he should spend time with them, Ferus found that he wasn't really objecting.

He wouldn't say that they helped his Force connection (which was still uncertain, at best), but they did calm his mind somewhat. Animals were predictable. Rooh and Tooh snoozed and ate and ambled around, and that was about it, and there was something nice in the ... silence, the habit of it.

Which was then naturally disrupted by the one thing Ferus would have least expected: a visitor.

Or what seemed like a visitor, but her very presence was alarming to him, because Obi-Wan was in exile and she seemed to have sought him out very deliberately.

Standing as he saw the rider's approach, Ferus dusted his hands off on his legs and kept his eyes on her, walking around the hut in such a way that he wouldn't be immediately in view to her. He felt wary and on edge, and though he didn't feel a warning from the Force, this didn't actually calm him.

A lot of his nerves disappeared at the apparent familiarity between the two, but he still felt wary and ready for anything to happen as he stepped up next to Obi-Wan, taking in the appearance of their visitor.

Who had called Obi-Wan Ben, and Ferus made sure to keep that in mind.

"Morning", he said evenly enough, but shot a meaningful look at Obi-Wan: problem?

[form_iii]

Both of the elder beings turned toward Ferus as he approached. Obi-Wan calmly, glad for his company but not eager to introduce him to more; Leelee with suspicion at best.

Obi-Wan understood the look that Ferus had given him, the silent inquiry. No, he thought, though he did not think that their Force connection was strong enough for Ferus to understand that without words. But there was no problem, exactly. She was surprising but not exactly unwelcome. He would never have sought her out, and would have expected the same courtesy of distance, but he did not immediately distrust her presence.

Or perhaps he did. She had done nothing to warn him away from her, but for what possible reason on all of Tatooine could she have come all this way to find him?

"Who's this?" Leelee asked instead of a proper greeting; it wasn't hostile, though, simply curious. Or perhaps something else, if the way that she took in a slow, lingering study of Ferus was anything to go by. She studied him from head-to-toe.

Obi-Wan sighed and, without really thinking about it, responded frankly, "this is my nephew." A white lie, and a cover he thought would suit things well enough. He did not venture to create an alias for Ferus.

"Oh," the woman replied, turning her eyes finally back to Obi-Wan, most of her interest dissipating when she was facing the older of the two men. A great deal of improvement from their first meeting when she had regarded him much as a piece of bantha meat. He hadn't been entirely sure how to deal with that.

He wasn't sure if it was what had happened that had dispelled that lusty look, or if Obi-Wan himself simply looked less and less appealing these days.

"I haven't seen you around the Claim in months," she added. "You didn't think to introduce your nephew to the locals?"

"You've come a long way," Obi-Wan replied, a very pointed non-answer.

[bellassa]

Well, he wasn't unhappy about the walk, at least. He'd never liked his own company much, not for extended periods of time - he'd had enough of his own company as a Padawan, and once he'd found his way to a life that had been so much sweeter on Bellassa, he hadn't been able to stop surrounding himself with it. People, especially. They'd all made him something more.

But that was the thing: they were all gone now, and while Ferus was glad to still have Obi-Wan, grief demanded solitude. He hadn't realized that until he was on his way, the size of his feelings, the way they took up the desert around him and the way he had the space of letting them, at least for a little while.

He could have wept, curled into a ball in the sand, screamed, torn up rocks and plants and thrown them around himself, he could have even said something out loud, just for himself to hear, him and his ghosts.

He did neither. But for some time as he walked alone through the desert, there was that potential to.

Well - alone but for Rooh. The eopie was shuffling along beside him, quiet and steady, apparently not minding the temporary separation from her youngling too much. Ferus didn't mind her much in turn. They left each other alone despite the proximity.

The Claim was easily spotted in the end, and Ferus saw how it was a centerpoint in this place, far away from Mos Eisley or Anchorhead. It was a big establishment, buildings joined together, serving a multitude of purposes. Even as he approached, he could tell there was more activity there than he'd ever find at Obi-Wan's hut, and the thought worried him slightly.

Not that he was wary or even particularly apprehensive, but people had a potential for trouble, and he didn't want to get into any.

Still, he kept a steady pace, and after having secured his companion to a post nearby, he stepped into some shade underneath what appeared to be the main dome and took a slow look around.

[form_iii]

Ferus would be right; there was far more activity in and around the store than he could ever expect to see where Obi-Wan was living, even for kilometers around. It was half the reason that Obi-Wan had, with no lack of certainty, completely and unequivocally declined to go. It wasn't just that it was a one-person job, but he did not want to interact the locals any more than he had in the past. Mos Eisley once every few weeks was more than sufficient. He would not bother the oasis's denizens and they would not bother him.

So he had gladly stayed behind, presumptively to take care of Tooh who took no time at all to start fussing. But truthfully, he wasn't so concerned about the baby eopie--he would spend Ferus's time away from the hut as an opportune moment to try to reach Qui-Gon. Failing that, he would train.

He had sent his alleged nephew off with one real requirement; simply to avoid giving anyone reason to want to seek him out again.

But for Ferus...

Before the young human had even entered the store, he had caught attention. The store wasn't too busy at the time. There were no podraces going on, or that had just finished, which meant the Claim was neither deserted nor bursting with revelry. Just busy enough and just empty enough that a new arrival could attract attention.

"Weeeelcome!" The Phindian shopkeeper greeted excitedly as Ferus entered the store, spreading his long, green arms wide, as long as his vowels, as if he might envelop Ferus in a hug. He did not, however, though there was someone else who might have bodily attacked Ferus. The now-somewhat-familiar red-skinned woman looked up from the counter when he entered and smiled.

"So you couldn't keep away after all," Leelee said with a smirk. "Your uncle decided he had some errands for you to run?"

Several other people looked up from their food or their shopping to study the stranger. Most turned their attention back to their own affairs after only a moment, but several remained unabashedly curious.

[bellassa]

Well, he hadn't quite expected the momentary hush as Leelee called attention to him like that, although he supposed he should have seen it coming. He crossed his arms loosely over his chest and inclined his head slightly as he met her gaze, acknowledging her only after giving a nod and a polite smile to the shopkeeper.

"He decided the eopies couldn't starve", he told her. Even as he was taking in the rest of the small crowd and the layout of the building, looking-without-looking the way he'd learned so many years ago to take in details without letting it on.

Sensing no real threat, he went further into the store, noting items on the shelves as he went. He felt curiously on edge, but maybe that was to be expected. This was his first foray into real life after so much had died right in front of him and he'd dropped off two boys elsewhere and continued on his own.

Focus, he told himself.

These are just people.

"Besides, if you're promised a discount ..." he said lightly enough, but not in a way to show that this was something he actually expected, not wanting to put any pressure on the shopkeeper who he hadn't met before. You made friends with people who could serve you, even if only temporarily.

[form_iii]

"Master Qui-Gon, are you there?" There was a long, heavy silence. "It's me, Obi-Wan."

Obi-Wan winced, aware he sounded a fool. He quickly backtracked to say, "of course. I'm certain you don't get many others trying to communicate with you. 'Trying' being the key word, Master, as this would certainly be more productive if you--

"Never mind. I'm certain that you have better things to be doing than listen to your former Padawan's grousing."

He sighed. Hostility was certainly not going to help matters. It was entirely possible that his former Master was ignoring him simply because he was forgetting his manners. He had to respect Qui-Gon still, and he did, and that ought to include his choice to not answer at times. Besides, through training Obi-Wan was certainly understanding that it could hardly be an easy task to commune with the living through the Force. He must have patience.

Let's try this another way.

You are likely aware that Ferus Olin has been staying with me for some days now. You might not remember him, he was still a youngling when you... during the mission to Naboo. Siri Tachi took him on as her Padawan. But he left the Order, much as I once did. Only it was the right choice for him, and he did not return.

It saved his life. But I'm afraid that things still aren't easy for him. I am trying to help, but with all of my own regrets and mistakes--I am not sure that I am fit to be of any guidance in his grief. A hermit makes a poor leader, I think.

I would appreciate your help, Master. You were always better at comfort than I. If you had any words for me to give to Ferus, any advice... If you can see something through the Force that I can't, that might tell him things will be alright.

I understand this is selfish of me.

I will try harder.

Obi-Wan let his thoughts clear, his unanswered call to Qui-Gon dissipating. It seemed that day was not going to be one where he heard from his Master. He was on his own.

At least, he would be until Ferus returned in some hours.

Sitting cross-legged in the sand, his hood down, Obi-Wan accepted the scorching heat as the twin suns beat down on his face. He accepted the pain on his skin as he tried to accept so much else. He had far more luck with the physical than the mental, these days. It was grounding: feeling the pain, letting it go. He tried to visualize his regrets, attach them to the sunlight, let them fall away like sand.

Instead he smelled burning flesh and hair, heard Anakin's cries as--

Obi-Wan nearly gagged, closing his eyes tighter and focusing in.

Luke. That was what he would focus on.

The child was sleeping, he could feel that even so far away, which meant that his mind was open to the Force, the power in him firing through his dreams and unfiltered thoughts. He reached out, tried to touch the boy's mind, and for a moment he thought he could feel something in return. Like a toddler reaching out to touch his face, curious and playful.

That was foolish, of course. Luke was powerful, but probably not aware of him. They had spent weeks together on the journey to Tatooine, but that bond would remain one-sided. Luke would not remember him.

Obi-Wan was startled out of his thoughts when he felt something brush against his knee and he opened his eyes to look down at Tooh as the baby eopie settled his head against the human's leg. He lifted one hand to brush his fingers over the child's snout.

"She'll be home soon," he assured him. "No need to worry."

Tooh made a small, plaintive noise, unable to understand the reassurances and clearly lonely without his mother. Obi-Wan moved the hand from his nose to his back, petting him as the kid settled against him, half in his lap.

They both fell silent and Obi-Wan closed his eyes again. He let his mind drift, tried not to control where it went. Let it expand and fill the deserts of Tatooine, reach out for all that was around him. There was very little living to touch, but he could try to reach the Unifying Force. There was a place for it here, even on Tatooine. Perhaps especially on Tatooine.

It was impossible to tell how long he sat there meditating, a whole array of thoughts and feelings passing through his mind as he sat in silence, and young eopie snoozing on his knee. But he was still open to his surroundings when Ferus returned, and so he sensed his presence long before he was close enough to greet. He didn't open his eyes or stand, simply waited for Ferus and Rooh to close in on the hut, before he called, voice gentle to avoid startling Rooh's child from sleep, "you're back."

[bellassa]

"Yes", he said softly back, loosely tying Rooh to one of the posts that made up the enclosure once there and leaned down to relieve her of the feed and water she was carrying. Once he had the items balanced in his arms, he went inside the hut, not sparing a look at Obi-Wan, not one at the eopie.

He felt far too open, felt the tears threatening him, and he felt uncertain in how to handle it. He thought of Veeka - not that he knew her name - thought of her sobbing against him, thought of her words and her anger, thought of the way she'd thrown that glass.

Swallowing against his own mind, he put the items on the table in the kitchen and stood there for a long moment, hands gripping the table, steadying himself. Then he took the water containers to next to the cistern, and placed the leftover credits carelessly on the table as he picked up the bag of feed again, took a breath, and exited.

Still, he didn't look at Obi-Wan as he worked, although he sensed him there every step of the way. Untying Rooh and letting her in, to greet her youngling or seek out shade or whatever else she wanted or needed to do, he deposited the feed in its designated place and then closed up the pen.

And then he stood motionless, looked up at the two suns and let them blind him for a moment.

This was difficult. This, moreso than the trek back through the desert. The thought of interaction was harder than it should have been and his steps had grown slower and heavier the nearer he got to Obi-Wan's home.

But there he was, even so.

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan remained sitting in the sand for a long moment, letting Ferus tidy up and put things away from his trip. He basked in the heat for another few moments before he gently nudged the little eopie in his lap, coaxing him awake. The animal blinked sleepily before he spotted his mother in time for her to be released by Ferus and for her to amble over.

Obi-Wan stood as mother and child were reunited, and he felt a pang of regret. Ridiculous of him, to feel envious of the animals. He shook his head and stepped toward the pair, reaching out to stroke Rooh's head.

"Good girl," he said gently. He considered saying more--to her, not to Ferus--but decided against it, letting her have her moment. He glanced up at Ferus, but still he said nothing. Let the young man have his silence after he'd grown accustomed to it once more. He could choose when he was ready to speak to Obi-Wan again.

[bellassa]

He still didn't want to leave. Which of course was a selfish notion and he wasn't going to enertain the idea of staying - it wouldn't benefit either of them - but he still felt quiet and subdued as he gathered and double checked his belongings.

There were hardly any, of course. The lightsaber and the warming crystal, both secure by his belt, and the poncho like cloak Obi-Wan had lent him hid both. A bit of food as well for the ride. And that was it. That's what he'd been reduced to, which was strangely familiar from his Padawan days, even reminiscent of his hiding out after having broken out of his first Imperial prison, but it still felt alien to have little more than this to his name - which he'd leave behind anyway - after his years of re-learning attachment to beings and items alike.

Ferus didn't say much. Despite what remained unsaid between Obi-Wan and him, they'd mostly talked themselves out over the course of the last few days, at least regarding what they were ready to say anything about.

Casting a look at Obi-Wan, he took a moment to go out to the pen and say goodbye to the eopies, which he did in a gentle voice and with quick touches. He didn't have much of a hand for animals and didn't think he'd ever have, but these were still beings he'd lived in proximity to for a few days, and it felt appropriate.

And after that, well ... there wasn't much else to do, and he stood outside the hut, silently waiting for the other man to join him so they could go.

[form_iii]

"Are you sure you don't want to take one with you?"

The question is asked smilingly as Obi-Wan steps outside of the hut to join him, though the lightness of the tone is somewhat forced. It did please him to see Ferus say goodbye to the animals, for what it meant for Ferus, for all he knew the man wasn't that concerned with either of them. Obi-Wan understood that, on more than one level.

It was also a gentler way of asking, is there anything else you need? Are you ready?

This would be a hard parting, but Obi-Wan felt confident enough that he could not do much for Ferus and that the time had come to move on. He of course still wished he could do more--but he knew that moving forward, now, was the next step to take. He had offered him a shoulder; shared with him what wisdom he could; assigned him a job, a mission; given him the crystal that was their last physical trace of Siri between the both of them.

And yet, never enough.

"Tooh is optimally sized for travel, after all."

[bellassa]

"Tooh would also never forgive me for separating him from his mother", Ferus answered with a thin smile in turn. Which was an answer to Obi-Wan's underlying question as well, a subtle way of saying even if I'm not ready, let's go.

Leaving in itself wasn't the hard part. It was what would come after. Ferus felt a clear sense of sadness and dread at the prospect, but he willed himself to be calm.

He'd talked to Malory, earlier, had stepped out of the hut and checked in with her and her progress on the memory agent and asked her how Trever was. It had been ... unfair, probably, the way he'd dropped both children in her lap in the midst of the emotion and panic and dizziness, but she'd gotten in touch with Clive and Astri like he'd asked and apparently they were all doing at least reasonably well under the circumstances.

He'd told her he he was healing, which wasn't a lie. The cuts were starting to fade, at least.

But he'd wrestled with the knowledge of what he'd asked her to do and even moreso with the knowledge that she was one of his last links to Roan, and that after today or tomorrow ...

And then, of course, there would be nobody else either.

So no. He didn't feel ready. But he couldn't trust his feelings in this moment and so he let reason guide the way instead.

He took a step backwards, inviting Obi-Wan to start walking with him. He didn't want to draw this out.

"Let's not break up any more families."

[bellassa]

It had been several days now since his departure from Tatooine. Two less since his departure from Coruscant and everything that was left of his old life. He'd felt like a hollowed out shell the moment he'd stepped into his new craft and had allowed himself that huge emptiness the entire time he'd been in space, but the moment he'd set foot on Alderaan again, he'd forced himself together with everything that was left.

It was more than he'd expected to find in himself. More than enough to talk to Bail about what was expected and needed of him, to meet his wife and to be formally introduced to the Princess, the small child with a sharp gaze and a strong will, already so focused on the world around her.

He'd known that, of course. He'd already seen her emerging strength and sensed her Force connection. But his role was different now and while he would always watch her, he told himself that she would never know him, the same way her brother didn't know about Obi-Wan.

Isolation, Ferus figured, was something that he might have to practise, but would nonetheless accept.

The house that Bail had found him was nestled in a valley, surrounded by a sea of grass, with wilderness to one side and a real sea on the other. Aldera was beyond the water, visible in the distance. The house was small. There were no neighbors. There was little noise but the wind in the grass and the occasional nerf call in the distance, and the first day he spent alone - truly alone - Ferus found even that little completely deafening.

He was surprised to find himself attempting meditation the next day. It had been years, but he needed something. He needed to find himself again. He needed to hone his Force connection if he were to protect the Princess. He couldn't afford any more mistakes in his life. No more.

It took him a few days, all the same, to feel centered enough to not only venture outside of this valley to do things he knew had to be done, but more importantly to reach out to Obi-Wan again. There was something about it that ... it wasn't apprehension, exactly, but there was some kind of uncertainty and nerves, some of that occasional anxiety making itself known.

But really, he was aware that anything he was feeling was more to do with himself than his friend.

He set his comlink up for holocall and sent out the coded signal they'd agreed on what felt like such a long time ago, and felt relieved when it came through and the mini hologram appeared.

"Hello, Obi-Wan", he said softly.

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan had to adjust to the quiet, to the silence, again. His own thoughts took up so much more space now that there was no one left to share them with or to, better yet, distract him from them. And his emotions, too. Were he anyone else, he might have found those thoughts and feelings nearly overwhelming. But no. He could get beyond them.

He meditated. He re-centred himself. He gathered his thoughts and feeling, accepted them, then let them go.

At least, that was the idea.

He returned to routine, was the more important thing. He checked on Luke for the first time in many days, her tended to the eopies, he tried to speak with Qui-Gon and to train. He missed Ferus, but that too would pass. Their parting was for the best, for many reasons.

Still, that didn't mean that he wasn't glad to hear from him when the comm alerted him to an incoming message.

"Ferus," Obi-Wan greeted in turn, inclining his head to the afterimage of his friend. He dusted his hands off idly, having just been in the pen tending to the animals. He didn't smile, but he kept his voice light. "You're settling in, I hope?"

[bellassa]

"Sure", Ferus answered, his own tone not quite managing to match Obi-Wan's. He felt subdued. Calmer, in many ways, but that of course didn't mean much. Jedi had been drilled to be calm since they were first spoken to. Still: "It's easier without the sandstorms."

Looking at it objectively, Alderaan was at least nicer than Tatooine, and he'd give it that, for all that Alderaan wasn't everything else.

He put his comlink down on the kitchen table and sat down. Leaned forward with his hands clasped behind his knees, head slightly bowed as he watched the slightly flickering image of Obi-Wan. Strange how no matter where you were those transmissions never came through quite clear. It was almost a touch eerie.

Mostly it reinforced the distance between them, because of course this little image, however lifelike, couldn't substitute the actual presence of his friend.

All the same, he was glad to talk to him again.

"I met the Princess a few days ago. Officially, I mean."