thesaurus | ITT: SAD JEDI

Entry tags:

!caitlin,
#ic

ITT: SAD JEDI

Obi-Wan stood behind the little hovel he called home, tending to Rooh-the-eopie. He watched the first of the two suns sink below the horizon, halving the amount of light that bathed the desert. Dusk was here, and soon so would night, and so too would the bad dreams arrive: the images of terrified younglings and friends dying. But he closed his eyes against the early onslaught of thoughts. There was no need to let them plague him before their time; if he let them take him at any moment at all then there was no way that he could go on.

Opening his eyes, he stroked Rooh's snout carefully, calming her as she became restless. He made sure she was secured, fed and watered, then he moved onto her son, Tooh. Tooh wasn't big enough yet to be ridden, but that was alright. When he took Ferus to Mos Eisley they could walk and he would lead the eopies with them. He could ride Rooh home, or pick up some supplies and have her carry them. But the walk there would be good for them all, he thought.

Ferus Olin was inside the hut, taking care of whatever would pass for dinner that night. It wouldn't be long now before they parted ways, before Ferus took his leave to Alderaan, but for now the company was something of a comfort. Ferus was family, though they hardly got along perfectly. Ferus mouthed off, for one thing, and questioned Obi-Wan regularly. It was a little like having Anakin--

Obi-Wan stopped his thoughts again, patting Tooh and straightening up. Ferus wasn't Anakin. He never would be. But he had come closer to becoming Anakin than either of them dared talk about.

For now there was much pain for both of them.

He stood on the hill, looking east, toward the Lars homestead in the far distance. He waited for the second sun to set and wondered. He wished he could reach out with the Force to Luke, check that all was well, but he couldn't connect to him. Shouldn't, even if he could.

It was lonely in the desert, so far from everything, even with Ferus there. In some ways, Obi-Wan thought, more so because Ferus was there, comfort or not. They had both lost so much: friends, family, purpose. More than Obi-Wan could bear, he thought some days. But now they were guardians of the galaxy's hope. It would be a long, difficult job, but Obi-Wan would shoulder that burden. He only hoped that Ferus could too. He didn't know how the young man was coping. Obi-Wan barely knew how he was coping.

The sun finally disappeared, leaving him in relative darkness before the stars began to twinkle into life. He turned his chin up to the sky, searching for familiar constellations he would never find from this remote planet. He had never paid much attention to Tatooine in the past, even knowing it was Anakin's homeworld. It wasn't as if it should have mattered. But a remarkable amount of the galaxy seemed to orbit around this little planet on the outer rim.

And here they were, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ferus Olin. Two men, stripped of everything, almost ready to say goodbye. How long would they need to hold together before peace returned?

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Ferus nodded, reflecting. He wasn't all that interested in the local politics or hardships - he found them difficult to relate to with so much more clouding his mind and knew that that too would be frowned upon were he still in the Order, because it was selfish, it was putting his attachments above other people - but he listened, still. And of course he was interested in Obi-Wan's part in it, even if not the details of what had happened.

Falling silent for a moment, he thought back on what Leelee had said, on some of the discussion between her and Obi-Wan. And after a moment, he asked softly, "do you send all lost souls to Alderaan?"

Obi-Wan enjoyed the brief silent moment, appreciating it and what it offered. But he was growing even more accustomed to silence now than he had been in his old life. Quiet was always a tool and a comfort for the Jedi. Now it was a necessity.

He shook those thoughts away, though, when Ferus asked him that, and he couldn't help the half smile that resulted. It was melancholy--the question, the smile. But it was also appropriate, he supposed. He hadn't thought about it, of course.

And that was what they were, wasn't it? Lost souls in the galaxy?

"Perhaps I do," he remarked. Leia, Annileen, Ferus. Not that Leia's destination had been his choosing, and she was of course what drew Ferus to Alderaan. And there had been reasons, too, for Annileen. In the interest in clarifying that, he said, "she confided in me that she had wanted to attend the University of Alderaan for a long time. I arranged for her to go."

Ferus was about to ask how Obi-Wan had managed that, from a remote world where nobody knew him, but the answer came to him soon enough because it was the same way Obi-Wan had arranged for Ferus to have a not-quite-home there: Bail.

Bail had hated him at first, but Ferus had been prepared for that, since at the time he'd been the traitor; the new Imperial pet. After he had opportunity and reason to reveal what he was doing Bail had treated him with warmth and respect. He could only hope that that's the way things would stay. That he'd have a manner of companionship with a man he himself respected and thought highly of.

Nobody else would know him on Alderaan, and Obi-Wan would be great distances away, often enough on comm silence.

He thought about what to say. Pauses weren't usual for him, but he found them in himself increasingly often, hesitations and doubts and sadness getting in the way. There was a hollow joke at the tip of his tongue, but in the end he shook his said and said, "if I run into her, I'll let you know."

Obi-Wan was comfortable in the pauses, the beat between words. You could learn a great deal in those pauses, and from learning how to use them. He had always done well with silence--

Well. Mostly.

Now, the silences were often the moments in which the worst of the regrets crept up. There was no hiding from those.

"Thank you," Obi-Wan said, though the words were mostly hollow. He did not expect it, in either sense, and he would hardly rely on it. He presumed that friendship gone, like the rest. Except, again, for Ferus. And Bail, too. And neither of them would often be present in his life, any more.

But this is what he had resigned himself to: isolation.

He considered saying more, but ultimately he fell silent again. What was there to say?

Ferus didn't know what to say either, but unlike Obi-Wan, he struggled with it. Silences were usually not friendly to him. He'd spent a lot of time in silence and meditation when he was young, but as he unlearned that and realized that at heart he was not fit for solitude, he'd grown playful and chatty.

He missed that part of himself, missed the things and people that brought that out. But missing your own happiness won't bring it back, either.

But it was with that thought he decided to change the subject slightly once more, because as uncomfortable as he could get in the pauses, he wasn't eager to share what was really on his mind.

So he tipped his head back, gave Obi-Wan another look, and said - with obvious dryness this time - "Well. Do you think Leelee liked me?"

For all the things that Obi-Wan might have expected Ferus to use to break the silence, that was not one of them. He let out a short amused noise, casting a sidelong look to Ferus sitting in the sand.

It was a curious choice for a few reasons, but at least it was a mostly harmless one. So long as they didn't dig too deep into it.

But that often felt like it was the case; that there was so much sorrow just underneath the surface sand.

"Yes," Obi-Wan answered gravely. "I'm afraid she did."

"I'm afraid too."

Deadpan delivery, of course, but he shook his head in the odd reality of it. Still, Obi-Wan was taking fairly well to Ferus' various attempts at ~~dodging~~ lightening what mood they had, so Ferus kept going with them. And besides, he did see the humour of it now, when he had some distance from the whole thing.

The grave tone broke things a little, calling for a slight smile from Obi-Wan. That morning didn't seem like a good one for too much heaviness. Perhaps simply because of how much of their time was normally weighted down by the entire galaxy, the Empire bearing down on them both even from so far away.

He thought of Annileen, though, more than Leelee. Both of them had--flirted, he supposed, was the best word for it. Annileen of course had been more bearable, less blatant and more motivated by a genuine romantic interest, but that didn't mean Obi-Wan had had any better idea of how to deal with it.

He thought of saying something about that, about Annileen again, but he chose against it.

"Are you going to take her up on her invitation?" he asked instead.

"And give her a chance to eat me alive?"

He raised his eyebrows, looking at Obi-Wan as if he took him for a complete fool. He was playing this up, of course, the pretense of horror, but it was a familiar thing to do to make light of something with friends. Only, of course, this was a different context altogether, and part of the reason he was doing it at all was to mask his real thoughts, even from himself.

Still, there was a faint smile from him too when he shifted, leaning away from the wall and crossing his arms over his knees.

"No thanks."

Obi-Wan gave a short chuckle at Ferus's assessment of what his fate would be at Leelee's hands. He didn't blame Ferus's concerns, as jokingly as they were presented.

And yet...

"She's hardly the worst here," he cautioned with amusement. "One of the young women in the area is more willing to... aggressively pursue her interests."

That was about as politely as he could phrase Veeka's interest in him.

Ferus looked first surprised at this news, then grimaced faintly. "Then I'm definitely not going", he said, despite knowing that if it was needed, of course he would.

But the more interesting part of that information was the implication that Obi-Wan had been on the receiving end of the flirtations of whoever this unknown woman was, a thought that was both amusing and ...

no, it was mostly kind of amusing. He had to press.

"You mean you were fortunate enough to be an interest?"

Obi-Wan grimaced slightly at Ferus's pressing. Not that he minded, exactly, or else he wouldn't have put it on the table in the first place. But it had been an uncomfortable moment at best.

He brought a hand to his face as he thought about it, stroking his beard idly. He thought of the way he had been manhandled by Veeka, specifically.

"I assume it was the novelty of me," he said a bit dryly. "Being an outsider and all."

No real detail, no, but it certainly confirmed Ferus's question.

"Being a hero probably helps", he added meaningfully, referring back to what Leelee had said about Obi-Wan's apparently notorious rescue of a young girl. Ferus could understand that to some degree - novelty went a long way sometimes, and he imagined especially on such a quiet planet as Tatooine. And of course skill and a good heart was attractive or at least interesting to most.

Looking out across the desert plains stretching out before them again, he added a little more distantly, but this point was no less important, "besides, you don't look terrible."

Obi-Wan didn't take the accusation of 'hero' too seriously, though he knew that he had attracted attention. Certainly the story had spread like a sandstorm after his rescue of Kallie, as the girl had been more than a little enamoured. He was about to maybe explain some of that to Ferus, to downplay it and its involvement, when Ferus caught him completely and totally by surprise.

Obi-Wan choked slightly on the dry desert air, eyebrows arching as he turned to face Ferus properly.

He wasn't... entirely certain what to make of that.

It wasn't as if he was completely unused to attention of the sorts, he liked to think that he had rebuffed Veeka and others like her without so much difficulty. But it coming from Ferus--however serious he was, and Obi-Wan doubted he was more than a little--and that made it that much stranger to deal with.

These were not the kinds of comments he was trained to handle.

"Hardly," he eventually managed, promptly looking down and away from his companion and finding a renewed interest in the... sand. There wasn't much else to look at.

Ferus looked up at Obi-Wan's stunned silence, and in seeing him struggling with the comment to the degree he was - and to then basically give up on it and look honestly embarrassed - Ferus couldn't help a surprised grin, and before he knew it, he was laughing.

Not an all out laugh, not in these circumstances, but the quiet laughter was still unmistakable for what it was, and his shoulders shook slightly with it as he brought a hand to his mouth and kept his eyes on the other man's face.

Obi-Wan Kenobi, famed Jedi Master, someone who always had the answers and never seemed to waver, looking away out of sheer self consciousness. Ferus hadn't even tried for that. He'd just teased, the way he would anyone. This was too good.

"Hardly", he echoed, leaning back against the wall again, still grinning. "Don't look so embarrassed, Obi-Wan, I didn't mean anything."

"Yes, well," Obi-Wan said, clearing his throat slightly. He did relax though, pleased, because Ferus had grinned and laughed and both of those were very good things to have earned from his friend. Even if they were at his expense.

He looked back up to Ferus, meeting that gaze--and couldn't help but return the smile and a small chuckle after a moment's hesitation.

"Of course not. But right after your concerns about man-eating Zeltrons. Perhaps I should throw you to the akk wolves after all."

Standing up and holding both his hads up in a gesture of peace, Ferus shook his head, the smile and some of the laughter lingering in his voice.

"Please don't", he said lightly, then dusted himself off a little before crossing his arms over his chest. "You want an apology because I made an observation?"

Still teasing, and milking the moment for what it was worth: and honestly, what it was worth was a lot. Such an honest reprieve of the cloud that hung low over both of them. Ferus wouldn't mind poking a little more fun at Obi-Wan for the moment, personally.

"I might," Obi-Wan protested lightly, letting go of the fence and stepping away from it. He turned again to Ferus, looking at him properly, not letting himself be so self-conscious anymore. Which was easier, now that the comment wasn't so immediate.

He might have been a little less embarrassed by it had he seen it coming or else not been from Ferus, of all people. Alas.

"Though, I suppose that so long as not terrible is the best descriptor..."

That was exactly the beauty of it though, how it had caught Obi-Wan so completely off guard when Ferus hadn't even meant it to. But that only further went to show what kind of life Ferus had led after he left the Order and what kind of person he'd become, and that was the kind of person who wasn't above joking in familiar ways with people he was familiar with.

Of course, there hadn't been much reasons to do that with Obi-Wan until now, and even then ...

He snorted faintly, shooting Obi-Wan another smile.

"We'll leave it at that", he said easily enough.

Obi-Wan shook his head at that, a definite mix of amused and disbelieving at Ferus. It was peculiar, but he could adapt. And it was meant in a friendly, teasing way.

It just wasn't exactly the kind of teasing which Obi-Wan was used to.

"How polite of you," he returned, a little dryly. "I'll endeavour to take it as a compliment then."

"Well, if you won't accept compliments from the locals", Ferus responded, not in the least feeling like putting a stop to the light banter when Obi-Wan was proving so surprisingly receptive to it, whether he meant to be or not.

He did understand the baffled look Obi-Wan was giving him though. Especially in the context of the roles they had had, all those years ago. But for Ferus, there was a different kind of normalcy in just having a bit of fun.

"I'm not sure if anything the locals say about me is complimentary," Obi-Wan assured him. Crazy Old Ben. But it wasn't so melancholy as it could have been. He would rather be shunned by society than revered.

No, he wouldn't. But it was better that way.

He dismissed the thought bodily, eyes trailing away for a moment.

Looking back to Ferus, Obi-Wan gave him an amused look and said, "and maybe you're not so bad yourself."

A joke, mostly. But still.

He was going to say something about that but then the not-really compliment was returned, and Ferus tsk'd lightly, although he accepted the joke for what it was.

"Thanks", he said, allowing some dryness to keep them on that same page. He tilted his head slightly and regarded Obi-Wan for a moment, then shook his head and looked away as well, a small smile still touching his lips.

Something that grew a softer and different as his thoughts darted unbidden to Roan yet again, and he hid a sigh as he asked, "do you still intend to trow me to the akk wolves?"

Which was in actuality asking if there was anything he actually needed or wanted that Ferus could help with.

Obi-Wan studied Ferus in silence for a moment as he considered that. They had discussed, briefly, whether or not supplies were needed. Obi-Wan had assumed he would wait until they went to Mos Eisley... but if Ferus went to the Oasis, then the problems associated with it would be avoided.

He thought it would be good for Ferus to go. To get some space and to interact with other people for a short time. It would also be good for Obi-Wan, perhaps, to have that distance for a short time. He was no longer used to the constant companionship that Ferus had been offering these past days.

Ultimately, it wasn't his choice.

"Has Tooh eaten everything yet?" he asked. Was there cause to hunt for supplies sooner rather than later?

"Of course not", Ferus said, inclining his head to where the feed was kept. "I'd have let you known if that was the case. But Rooh might not have much tomorrow if Tooh keeps stealing from her."

Which he had observed happening, the greedy little youngling sneaking more than his share without the mother quite noticing. Or maybe she let him, since most parents prioritised their young over themselves, but either way, Ferus didn't think they should let that happen if Rooh was to stay strong and healthy.

So more feed for them both. And maybe separating their feed somehow, to make it more difficult for Tooh to eat at the expense of his mother, especially the next time supplies would run low.

He hadn't expected he'd one day put such thought into eopies, but there you go.

ITT: SAD JEDI

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