ITT: SAD JEDI

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan stood behind the little hovel he called home, tending to Rooh-the-eopie. He watched the first of the two suns sink below the horizon, halving the amount of light that bathed the desert. Dusk was here, and soon so would night, and so too would the bad dreams arrive: the images of terrified younglings and friends dying. But he closed his eyes against the early onslaught of thoughts. There was no need to let them plague him before their time; if he let them take him at any moment at all then there was no way that he could go on.

Opening his eyes, he stroked Rooh's snout carefully, calming her as she became restless. He made sure she was secured, fed and watered, then he moved onto her son, Tooh. Tooh wasn't big enough yet to be ridden, but that was alright. When he took Ferus to Mos Eisley they could walk and he would lead the eopies with them. He could ride Rooh home, or pick up some supplies and have her carry them. But the walk there would be good for them all, he thought.

Ferus Olin was inside the hut, taking care of whatever would pass for dinner that night. It wouldn't be long now before they parted ways, before Ferus took his leave to Alderaan, but for now the company was something of a comfort. Ferus was family, though they hardly got along perfectly. Ferus mouthed off, for one thing, and questioned Obi-Wan regularly. It was a little like having Anakin--

Obi-Wan stopped his thoughts again, patting Tooh and straightening up. Ferus wasn't Anakin. He never would be. But he had come closer to becoming Anakin than either of them dared talk about.

For now there was much pain for both of them.

He stood on the hill, looking east, toward the Lars homestead in the far distance. He waited for the second sun to set and wondered. He wished he could reach out with the Force to Luke, check that all was well, but he couldn't connect to him. Shouldn't, even if he could.

It was lonely in the desert, so far from everything, even with Ferus there. In some ways, Obi-Wan thought, more so because Ferus was there, comfort or not. They had both lost so much: friends, family, purpose. More than Obi-Wan could bear, he thought some days. But now they were guardians of the galaxy's hope. It would be a long, difficult job, but Obi-Wan would shoulder that burden. He only hoped that Ferus could too. He didn't know how the young man was coping. Obi-Wan barely knew how he was coping.

The sun finally disappeared, leaving him in relative darkness before the stars began to twinkle into life. He turned his chin up to the sky, searching for familiar constellations he would never find from this remote planet. He had never paid much attention to Tatooine in the past, even knowing it was Anakin's homeworld. It wasn't as if it should have mattered. But a remarkable amount of the galaxy seemed to orbit around this little planet on the outer rim.

And here they were, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ferus Olin. Two men, stripped of everything, almost ready to say goodbye. How long would they need to hold together before peace returned?

Comments

[form_iii]

"Not as impressive as the banthas," Obi-Wan cautioned mildly. He smiled faintly back. He had done some bantha herding, actually. Neither time had been particularly enjoyable.

He wasn't certain that he had the energy for the banter either, but he would be in agreement with Ferus. It was certainly better than draining himself by thinking of his home.

Obi-Wan wasn't sure what else to say. He was thinking of his short-lived friendships of Tatooine again. Now, Obi-Wan didn't even speak to the Lars family.

"There is a shop nearby, on the Oasis," he said after a moment. "That used to be run by a talented woman. Perhaps we should go there for supplies before you leave."

It was an empty offer, though. He wasn't sure if he could or should go back there. No, Mos Eisley was typically a safer destination. Obi-Wan blended in there better. But he also couldn't deny its convenience.

[bellassa]

Leaving, yes. Very soon.

Ferus dropped his eyes to his hands and looked at the crystal in them, taking a moment before he replied. He thought of Siri again, naturally. Her forwardness and style, but her hidden gentleness and her inability to be fazed by anything.

Would she just go? He knew she would, because she would be dedicated to the mission. He would be as well. But would she have felt the same reluctance? Or would she have been better at looking past those feelings to the goal ahead?

Probably, and Ferus found that he was dwelling on his own feelings.

It was a pause that probably stretched on longer than he intended.

"What do we need?"

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan, at least, was patient while he waited out that longer than normal pause. Ferus was welcome to his silence and his thoughts, after all. There was nothing urgent about this conversation, after all. Even if perhaps it was far more emotional than talk of a normal supply run would be.

Because Ferus was leaving.

Because if Obi-Wan told himself he was going back to the Pika Oasis, he was most likely lying to himself.

"Water," he replied with an appropriate amount of dryness, "of course; feed for the eopies, if Tooh insists on eating so much of it; a few parts for the vaporator, so that these supply runs are less inconveniently frequent."

He shook his head, though. All of that was available at Dannar's Claim, which was closer. But yes, he was lying to himself. He had rarely wanted to go there when Annileen and her family had been running the store. Perhaps there was a foolish expectation that maybe, if he went now, his friend would be there. He knew that she wouldn't. He knew that even if she were, he probably would no longer be so welcome as he once was.

No. Obi-Wan's new life was to be primarily a solitary one. He would trade with the local beings as necessary, make the trips into the city that he needed to, but he had already said to Ferus that it was no longer their imperative to be well-liked.

He would resign himself to that.

"It can wait until we go to Mos Eisley."

[bellassa]

Nodding faintly, Ferus fell silent again - a shorter moment this time, however, as his jaw worked. There was a sense of foreboding in thinking about the future that he didn't quite want to face.

Which, really, was there in his words.

"I have to admit", he said with a faint, melancholy smile to take the edge of the confession, "I don't look forward to leaving."

Which was putting it mildly, all of which was still running through his head. His attachments, his losses, his fears and doubts. This miserable little desert planet was all that's left that was familiar, and this was only because of Obi-Wan.

Because there was no Temple, and there was no Bellassa. Not in any way that Ferus could reach anymore.

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan softened at Ferus's admission, nodding slightly to his young companion. He rose from his seat and made his way over to Ferus in the window.

It did not help banish the thoughts that soon he would be alone again, but at least he knew he was not going to be friendless. He had Ferus.

But soon there would be light years between them.

"I know," he conceded. "And I will miss you and your company. But we have to face our destinies, and do what needs to be done." A beat, then a small smile, "and I know that you don't need to be reminded of that, Ferus. I know that you will see to what you must. But it makes parting a necessary evil."

[bellassa]

Looking up at Obi-Wan, Ferus let that faint smile grow a little more sincere as he shifted and stood, reaching out to touch Obi-Wan's shoulder in a friendly grip, squeezing slightly.

"I know that. But you don't get to tell me I have to be at peace with it."

He was deliberatly calling on their conflict of perspectives, but this time managing to mean it in an affectionate way. It was late, he was emotional, and in too-short a time, Obi-Wan would be the only friend he'd have left.

The thought stung, and he let go with a sigh, looking out the window he'd been occupying once more.

[form_iii]

Obi-Wan's smile grew, too, into something a bit more confident and fond. He understood the words for what they were.

"Of course," he agreed gently. He reached up and placed his hand atop Ferus's for a moment, letting go in time for Ferus to move back. "But, if you'd like, I have other lectures prepared I could use."

Teasing, of course, though it wasn't said in a particularly jovial tone. He followed Ferus's gaze outside.

"I do think you should try, though."

[bellassa]

He thought about it again: emotion, yet peace.

Or, the version he'd grown up with: there is no emotion, there is peace.

As tempting as it was he knew he would remain unable to let go of his feelings. After learning to feel so deeply, to keep attachments in his heart, it would be impossible. But he told himself he wouldn't have to give that up to feel peace or at least calm. He told himself he could mourn and love just as well as accept.

It would have to happen that way, because he knew if he tried to let these things go, he'd never make it.

That's why he'd fallen back on the original Code. Because unlike the current standard ... or the one that had been considered standard, but as now nothing more than a shared memory ... it actually held meaning he could still apply to the life he'd led for so long.

A life that had been better.

"I will", he said softly, and he would, although even to his own ears it felt just a bit hollow.

[form_iii]

Belatedly, Obi-Wan realized the problem with telling Ferus to try to do it. He thought of the way the Grand Master would have admonished him for that advice. But Ferus was not a full Jedi any longer, and his thinking was different. It did not seem fair to impose such a burden on him: that he either could or could not do it. He felt that perhaps Ferus would take it too hard if he had trouble succeeding, and telling him that trying wasn't enough...

Well. He didn't think it would give the former Padawan any comfort.

Especially not when Ferus would have so much trouble letting go of his pain and his feelings. Force knew Obi-Wan couldn't do it.

The coming decades were going to be hard.

"Good," he said softly, inclining his head for a moment. And then, gently, he suggested, "perhaps we should try to get some sleep. The days to come will be hard enough without being rested."

And maybe, hopefully, after talking to Ferus and unburden some as they both had, the dream would not return that night.