thesaurus | ITT: SAD JEDI

Entry tags:

!caitlin,
#ic

ITT: SAD JEDI

Obi-Wan stood behind the little hovel he called home, tending to Rooh-the-eopie. He watched the first of the two suns sink below the horizon, halving the amount of light that bathed the desert. Dusk was here, and soon so would night, and so too would the bad dreams arrive: the images of terrified younglings and friends dying. But he closed his eyes against the early onslaught of thoughts. There was no need to let them plague him before their time; if he let them take him at any moment at all then there was no way that he could go on.

Opening his eyes, he stroked Rooh's snout carefully, calming her as she became restless. He made sure she was secured, fed and watered, then he moved onto her son, Tooh. Tooh wasn't big enough yet to be ridden, but that was alright. When he took Ferus to Mos Eisley they could walk and he would lead the eopies with them. He could ride Rooh home, or pick up some supplies and have her carry them. But the walk there would be good for them all, he thought.

Ferus Olin was inside the hut, taking care of whatever would pass for dinner that night. It wouldn't be long now before they parted ways, before Ferus took his leave to Alderaan, but for now the company was something of a comfort. Ferus was family, though they hardly got along perfectly. Ferus mouthed off, for one thing, and questioned Obi-Wan regularly. It was a little like having Anakin--

Obi-Wan stopped his thoughts again, patting Tooh and straightening up. Ferus wasn't Anakin. He never would be. But he had come closer to becoming Anakin than either of them dared talk about.

For now there was much pain for both of them.

He stood on the hill, looking east, toward the Lars homestead in the far distance. He waited for the second sun to set and wondered. He wished he could reach out with the Force to Luke, check that all was well, but he couldn't connect to him. Shouldn't, even if he could.

It was lonely in the desert, so far from everything, even with Ferus there. In some ways, Obi-Wan thought, more so because Ferus was there, comfort or not. They had both lost so much: friends, family, purpose. More than Obi-Wan could bear, he thought some days. But now they were guardians of the galaxy's hope. It would be a long, difficult job, but Obi-Wan would shoulder that burden. He only hoped that Ferus could too. He didn't know how the young man was coping. Obi-Wan barely knew how he was coping.

The sun finally disappeared, leaving him in relative darkness before the stars began to twinkle into life. He turned his chin up to the sky, searching for familiar constellations he would never find from this remote planet. He had never paid much attention to Tatooine in the past, even knowing it was Anakin's homeworld. It wasn't as if it should have mattered. But a remarkable amount of the galaxy seemed to orbit around this little planet on the outer rim.

And here they were, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ferus Olin. Two men, stripped of everything, almost ready to say goodbye. How long would they need to hold together before peace returned?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Obi-Wan had been up for some time, though not overly long. Long enough to have had something light to eat--one of their muja muffins, purchased mostly so that Ferus would have something better to eat while he was still a guest at Obi-Wan's little hovel--and to have cleaned himself up, and then he had gone outside to meditate in the heat and to tend to the animals.

He didn't know what time it was either, though it was approaching late morning, judging by the angle of the larger sun.

He was growing accustomed to this life of seclusion on Tatooine though he could not, exactly, say that he liked it. It was a duty, and one he would gladly do now, but the days were long and, before Ferus had returned, they had been largely empty.

Eopies were not outstanding conversational partners.

His days with Annileen had been much more invigorating, but those had been few, and he had long since sent her off-planet. He assumed he would never see her or her family again. At least the Tuskens seemed set on leaving him alone now.

He had been feeding Tooh for the second time that day when Ferus came out of the makeshift house and inquired as to their well-being.

"Good morning," Obi-Wan greeted, looking back for a moment and inclining his head toward Ferus. He turned his attention back to the beasts with a light frown. "They're alright," he began. "Tooh seems to be eating well, but I'm afraid I might not be well enough stocked to feed a growing boy."

Edited 2015-10-30 21:15 (UTC)

Ferus smiled slightly and shook his head. He couldn't begin to think of the eopies in such human terms, but whether Obi-Wan was saying it in humour or not, he still thought to.

"He doesn't feed from his mother?" he asked, a little curious despite himself. He'd never had much cause to have a hand with animals. He knew much about them, usually, but most creatures he'd been up and personal with had usually been of the kind that were attempting to harm him.

Siri had always told him he needed to be more in touch with the Living Force, so he supposed that was another reason he didn't immediately feel like he'd know how to handle the beasts, although of course Obi-Wan had had a fair bit of time to get to know them.

They seemed curious but slightly wary of Ferus. He didn't mind. He wasn't out to win their hearts. He'd be gone soon, besides.

Obi-Wan did well enough with animals, he thought, and usually did when they weren't sapients who were mooching off of him and Qui-Gon. It was why he could be relatively at ease with these two creatures, and came to care for them as well. As much as he couldn't talk to them, they were at least company. And gave him something else to do.

He shook his head, not turning back to Ferus, and put his hands on his hips as he watched the two animals. Rooh was lazing, mostly, having had her fill already, but Tooh seemed more than happy to keep eating.

"Not any longer," he explained. "I'm not entirely sure how long it takes for an eopie to mature, but he's certainly too old for that now. His mother seems entirely ready to move on."

"If you're keeping them, you should probably research them", Ferus said, still lightly enough, as he took a few steps closer to look at the eopies from behind Obi-Wan. In reality, he knew this wouldn't be easy, given Obi-Wan's reluctance to leave the planet - a planet there was barely anything on, in Ferus not-so-humble opinion.

But then, he'd grown to love the cities. Life around him, things to do. As much as he enjoyed coming away from it on occasion he always liked returning more.

None of that, anymore.

"There's at least one library on Alderaan."

Obi-Wan made an acknowledging noise, watching the animals as he thought about it. His mind went to Annileen again briefly, if only because she and Kallie had known more about the eopies than he had. They had been able to help him with them--and with a small bantha problem as well. It would have done him some good to ask more questions than he had, but Tooh had been something of a surprise, to say the least. He hadn't thought it necessary when purchasing Rooh to ask about eopie young because he hadn't honestly expected to ever know. Especially given the animals lived nearly as long as humans did.

He was about to comment to this effect when he properly absorbed Ferus's comment about the library. He looked back over his shoulder and smiled.

"Are you volunteering to be my research assistant?"

Edited 2015-10-30 22:26 (UTC)

"Not exactly. I'm just saying maybe it'll be something to do when I'm not looking out for the future hope of the galaxy."

He didn't smile back quite so fully, but there was amusement in his eyes, even as he crossed his arms to create some distance - for show, really. He certainly wouldn't be Obi-Wan's assistant. Naturally.

Unfortunately the hidden conflict wasn't as hidden as he might have liked, but the focus was where it should be, for now. It wasn't a terrible morning, all things considered. Even for a desert planet.

Edited 2015-10-30 22:35 (UTC)

Naturally.

Obi-Wan's smile didn't last long, but it was genuine while it did. He shook his head slightly at Ferus. "Certainly the domestication of eopies ranks a close second," he said a bit dryly.

But of course, that did remind them their positions, their goals. As amusing as teasing each other was, there was still a dark undertone.

Instead of commenting on it, Obi-Wan beckoned Ferus closer as he turned around to face the animals again.

Ferus stepped closer when he was gestured to and settled into a crouch when the young 'growing boy' eopie looked up at him, in order to not intimidate him. Resting lightly on the balls of his feet, with his hands clasped between his knees, it looked like a relaxed posture. The way he was bowing his head spoke a little more clearly of what lay beneath.

"I didn't take you for a beast person", he said after a moment instead of responding to Obi-Wan's comment, looking past Tooh to his mother, and then into the dunes beyond.

Obi-Wan kept standing, worried less about his posture and more about the feeling he put off to the eopies. He may have stood taller than the young one, but he was mindful of his presence and how it might be interpreted, instead. But he also had a different bond to the animals than Ferus did, who was a relative stranger still.

"It depends greatly upon the beast," he explained with a huff of breath. He stepped around Tooh to Rooh, checking on the elder animal again before continuing. "Rooh and I, for instance, provide for each other. Qui-Gon, however, always had a terrible tendency to pick up more piteous creatures. Those I had a much more difficult time with."

Ferus paused at the mention of Qui-Gon Jinn. He'd known about him, of course - he'd been well liked and well known in the Temple before his death, and the few times Ferus had spoken to him when he was a youngling still, he'd admired and respected the man for his soft-spoken but firm manner.

It was Qui-Gon's death, however, that became legendary. And among the Padawans Obi-Wan rose to the same status and beyond for having killed Darth Maul. Everybody knew the story, even if maybe not the real details.

At the time, Ferus hadn't understood it beyond the logic, the reason of it. Now he could relate on a deeper level to what it meant to have a Sith kill someone close to you. Except he'd not retaliated the way Obi-Wan had. The story was that he'd sliced Maul in two.

Thinking about that, and the fact that he'd fought in the same spot as Obi-Wan had all those years ago, albeit against a much less impressive foe, Ferus felt a renewed respect for the man beside him. He'd seen much and done more, and yet here he was, gently checking on an eopie.

For a very short moment, Ferus didn't know what to say.

"Like what?"

Obi-Wan hardly seemed to notice the pause--in truth, he did, but he did not mind it much. It was short enough, conversational enough, and while he was mindful of all that Ferus said or did not say in these days, he was not going to make any judgements about what he did or did not say, either. It was so far a calm morning, and Ferus seemed to be holding together alright. All things considered, at least. That was the most important thing.

He took the moment instead to finish checking on his animals and then turned his full attention back to Ferus to tell a story. Not a personal one, perhaps, but an illustrative one.

"He once rescued a creature called a moggonite from a trap. He brought the thing back to our camp, where it proceeded to eat our food and insult us before leaving in a hurry. It later returned with friends to do us in." He frowned, looking away, apparently irritated at the memory. "Needless to say, I did not feel the same pity for it as my Master did."

Ferus remained where he was, but he looked up at Obi-Wan when he turned towards him. And when Obi-Wan turned away again and Ferus could practically feel the distaste coming off him, he let out a soft, amused sound. Obi-Wan was more expressive than he'd thought, it turns out. Or at least moreso than he'd given him credit for.

And there was something a little funny about that, even moreso than in the story itself.

Looking back beyond the two eopies, he answered, "I only met him a few times. But I admired his gentleness."

Obi-Wan took a moment to scan the wastelands in the distance as he took that comment in. But he smiled nonetheless, thinking of his old Master to whom he still sometimes spoke (or at least attempted to). Ferus's opinion was apt, and he thought of his own early impressions of Qui-Gon.

He turned his attention back to Ferus as he said, "as did I. Qui-Gon Jinn was a good man, and I have never met anyone as in tune to the living Force as he was. I learned much from him."

Nodding, Ferus straightened up to stand again when he again met Obi-Wan's eyes. There were things he felt he wanted to ask, suddenly - about Qui-Gon, about his death, about his and Obi-Wan's relationship - but all of those things were personal, and he didn't want to look too closely at why he wanted to ask.

Instead he said, in a soft undertone, "Siri always told me I needed to work on my connection to the living Force."

He hadn't really understood that when he was a young Padawan. It had been one of few things that hadn't come naturally to him, and struggle was something he didn't like and wasn't used to. It took him until just before leaving to start to understand ... and until now, so many years later, to really understand what she'd meant.

So shrugging faintly, with a hint of a smile, he added after a moment, "I see that now."

Obi-Wan nodded slightly, bringing his hands in front of him and folding them gently. He listened to Ferus again, and then studied the two animals around them. "I was never so attuned to it as Qui-Gon, of course," he offered in return. But clearly he did not struggle with it, exactly, either--he could, at least, connect to these animals to an extent. He had, in the past, calmed raging beasts.

Then he added, thinking of her, "Siri always surprised me with her understanding of it, and her capacity for gentleness, especially toward children. She possessed an ability to comfort that was unexpected."

It made a strange amount of sense for Siri to have reflected on Ferus's connection to the living Force, to have seen it when her Padawan had been so adept at everything else.

Obi-Wan had, that morning, looked to his few remaining possessions: one included the warming crystal that Siri had held onto, had used to offer comfort once to a small boy who was afraid and missed his parents. He had checked on it again, as if it might have disappeared.

It was, of course, still there, along with Anakin's saber.

Ferus smile grew at once both sadder and warmer, and he inclined his head slightly in agreement, nodding once more.

"I could tell her anything", he said, in the same tone of voice. "I felt like nothing could shock her. She always knew what to say."

The one exception being when he'd told her he meant to leave, when she'd been at a loss for words for a moment that felt like it lasted a lifetime. He wouldn't forget that moment, anxiously waiting for her to react. But in the end, despite what you'd think of her at a glance, she responded with comfort, care and respect.

He'd always remember her very fondly.

Ferus's words, this time, brought a hint of melancholy. After all, Obi-Wan remembered a time when he had thought, perhaps, that he could tell Siri anything. But she had put an end to that. For their own good, out of a sense of duty, but there had been a strain there.

He let his gaze wander again as he pondered that, but returned his gaze to Ferus before long at all.

"For all her brashness, she had an astonishingly good heart," he said fondly. "I treasured that about her."

Something had changed in Obi-Wan, Ferus could tell, although he wasn't sure exactly what. He looked back at him, searched his face, let the moment linger. But he wasn't prying. Wasn't studying, not analysing.

That wasn't what the discussion was about, or anything he wanted to do. He was starting to really consider Obi-Wan a friend.

"Me too", he said after that second, instead, just simply. Then, with a more thoughtful, downcast look, "I missed her for a long time. Now ... I guess we'll both go on doing that."

The smile that Obi-Wan gave Ferus in response to that was small, thin, but fond enough. He cared deeply for Siri's memory--they both did, and it was comforting to have someone to share that with. To know that someone else important to Siri still lived and found her memory precious.

"We will," he agreed with a slight incline of his head, not so downcast as Ferus. "I am certain she would appreciate it in her way. So long as we do not mourn her too much."

Ferus was feeling that too, the sense of comfort in sharing these thoughts and feelings with someone who had known his Master. He'd talked about her before, to Roan and others - mostly after he'd found out about her death and had had to work through the loss of her once more - but of course they hadn't known her, hadn't understood the Master-Padawan bond or the Jedi in general.

So he smiled back in kind, then looked off again, into the distance. Thought about how any Jedi would put it: she's one with the Force. His views on death weren't so simple anymore, but when it came to Siri, he couldn't put it any other way.

"Sure. She'd say to go on and make things happen." Paraphrased, of course, but it was the mentality he'd known and loved despite his own too-cautious view. Voice dropping again into something quieter, he admitted, "I've mourned her twice. It's more than enough. But sometimes I miss her guidance. Her certainty."

"Exactly," Obi-Wan agreed with a slight nodded and another small smile. He thought again about what he'd said about her the night before: that she would have hated this, this waiting. She would have. She would have disliked knowing that Obi-Wan was biding his time, not fighting still.

But she would also have respected him, let him do his duty. She understood that. Duty, especially.

Obi-Wan softly said, "I miss a great deal about her. She was brave and kind. For all she and I could conflict, she was dear to me and I will always miss that, no matter if I should." Perhaps it wasn't the Jedi way, but it would be his way.

Smiling slightly, he looked back to Obi-Wan, something perhaps a touch dry or teasing in his expression. "The Jedi way doesn't hold all the answers, does it?"

Because that's pretty much what Obi-Wan had just said - that he'd disregard part of the teachings in favour of her memory. Ferus understood that. Would, in fact, encourage it.

The Jedi path was one he'd found himself on again only recently, after having been firmly off it for many years. There were parts of the Jedi way of life that would always remain with him, and that he would always return to, but there were several things he'd lost patience for and no longer understood.

This was maybe something of a gray area. But nonetheless, there was something a little satisfying in hearing Obi-Wan disagree with something, however small.

Obi-Wan frowned at Ferus's teasing and was, for a very potent moment, tempted to remain entirely silent to once again express his disapproval for Ferus's bluntness. Obi-Wan, after all, was Jedi Master and to imply that he did not follow the Jedi Code...

But of course, in this particular instance, Ferus wasn't wrong. And Obi-Wan had all but said as much already, it was true.

So while he gave his companion a stern look for the comment, he at least replied.

"That's not entirely what I meant," he corrected, but his voice was soft enough, given the subject matter. "But yes, I am aware this is unconventional. Still, it is the path that helped me reconcile what happened to her and to move on. She would have been disappointed otherwise."

They had both, after all, sworn their lives to the Code.

Ferus' smile disappeared with Obi-Wan's answer, and something softer and vulnerable came over him when he turned his head away again. He nodded that he'd heard and understood, but he wasn't sure what to say and how else to acknowledge that.

It still felt like such an impossibility to move on. He always hurt. Everything always hurt, and it wasn't just Roan. It was Trever, it was Ry-Gaul and Garen and Solace, and it was the sixty something lives lost on that asteroid. And he wasn't a Jedi any longer. He didn't know what to do with the guilt and anxiety he felt.

He took a breath, tried to let those feelings go.

"You're right", he said after a moment. "She would have."

Watching Ferus, Obi-Wan's own demeanour softened further. He inclined his head a moment before he stepped closer to his friend and reached out to take each of his shoulders in his hands. He sought out Ferus's eyes with his own, frowning slightly but still gentle.

"Whether or not you can use the Code the same way," he said softly, "I have no shortage of faith in you, Ferus. You will find your answers, sooner or later."

And he would be there to provide those that he could.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject