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ITT: SAD JEDI
Obi-Wan stood behind the little hovel he called home, tending to Rooh-the-eopie. He watched the first of the two suns sink below the horizon, halving the amount of light that bathed the desert. Dusk was here, and soon so would night, and so too would the bad dreams arrive: the images of terrified younglings and friends dying. But he closed his eyes against the early onslaught of thoughts. There was no need to let them plague him before their time; if he let them take him at any moment at all then there was no way that he could go on.
Opening his eyes, he stroked Rooh's snout carefully, calming her as she became restless. He made sure she was secured, fed and watered, then he moved onto her son, Tooh. Tooh wasn't big enough yet to be ridden, but that was alright. When he took Ferus to Mos Eisley they could walk and he would lead the eopies with them. He could ride Rooh home, or pick up some supplies and have her carry them. But the walk there would be good for them all, he thought.
Ferus Olin was inside the hut, taking care of whatever would pass for dinner that night. It wouldn't be long now before they parted ways, before Ferus took his leave to Alderaan, but for now the company was something of a comfort. Ferus was family, though they hardly got along perfectly. Ferus mouthed off, for one thing, and questioned Obi-Wan regularly. It was a little like having Anakin--
Obi-Wan stopped his thoughts again, patting Tooh and straightening up. Ferus wasn't Anakin. He never would be. But he had come closer to becoming Anakin than either of them dared talk about.
For now there was much pain for both of them.
He stood on the hill, looking east, toward the Lars homestead in the far distance. He waited for the second sun to set and wondered. He wished he could reach out with the Force to Luke, check that all was well, but he couldn't connect to him. Shouldn't, even if he could.
It was lonely in the desert, so far from everything, even with Ferus there. In some ways, Obi-Wan thought, more so because Ferus was there, comfort or not. They had both lost so much: friends, family, purpose. More than Obi-Wan could bear, he thought some days. But now they were guardians of the galaxy's hope. It would be a long, difficult job, but Obi-Wan would shoulder that burden. He only hoped that Ferus could too. He didn't know how the young man was coping. Obi-Wan barely knew how he was coping.
The sun finally disappeared, leaving him in relative darkness before the stars began to twinkle into life. He turned his chin up to the sky, searching for familiar constellations he would never find from this remote planet. He had never paid much attention to Tatooine in the past, even knowing it was Anakin's homeworld. It wasn't as if it should have mattered. But a remarkable amount of the galaxy seemed to orbit around this little planet on the outer rim.
And here they were, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ferus Olin. Two men, stripped of everything, almost ready to say goodbye. How long would they need to hold together before peace returned?
Opening his eyes, he stroked Rooh's snout carefully, calming her as she became restless. He made sure she was secured, fed and watered, then he moved onto her son, Tooh. Tooh wasn't big enough yet to be ridden, but that was alright. When he took Ferus to Mos Eisley they could walk and he would lead the eopies with them. He could ride Rooh home, or pick up some supplies and have her carry them. But the walk there would be good for them all, he thought.
Ferus Olin was inside the hut, taking care of whatever would pass for dinner that night. It wouldn't be long now before they parted ways, before Ferus took his leave to Alderaan, but for now the company was something of a comfort. Ferus was family, though they hardly got along perfectly. Ferus mouthed off, for one thing, and questioned Obi-Wan regularly. It was a little like having Anakin--
Obi-Wan stopped his thoughts again, patting Tooh and straightening up. Ferus wasn't Anakin. He never would be. But he had come closer to becoming Anakin than either of them dared talk about.
For now there was much pain for both of them.
He stood on the hill, looking east, toward the Lars homestead in the far distance. He waited for the second sun to set and wondered. He wished he could reach out with the Force to Luke, check that all was well, but he couldn't connect to him. Shouldn't, even if he could.
It was lonely in the desert, so far from everything, even with Ferus there. In some ways, Obi-Wan thought, more so because Ferus was there, comfort or not. They had both lost so much: friends, family, purpose. More than Obi-Wan could bear, he thought some days. But now they were guardians of the galaxy's hope. It would be a long, difficult job, but Obi-Wan would shoulder that burden. He only hoped that Ferus could too. He didn't know how the young man was coping. Obi-Wan barely knew how he was coping.
The sun finally disappeared, leaving him in relative darkness before the stars began to twinkle into life. He turned his chin up to the sky, searching for familiar constellations he would never find from this remote planet. He had never paid much attention to Tatooine in the past, even knowing it was Anakin's homeworld. It wasn't as if it should have mattered. But a remarkable amount of the galaxy seemed to orbit around this little planet on the outer rim.
And here they were, Obi-Wan Kenobi and Ferus Olin. Two men, stripped of everything, almost ready to say goodbye. How long would they need to hold together before peace returned?
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Obi-Wan understood the look that Ferus had given him, the silent inquiry. No, he thought, though he did not think that their Force connection was strong enough for Ferus to understand that without words. But there was no problem, exactly. She was surprising but not exactly unwelcome. He would never have sought her out, and would have expected the same courtesy of distance, but he did not immediately distrust her presence.
Or perhaps he did. She had done nothing to warn him away from her, but for what possible reason on all of Tatooine could she have come all this way to find him?
"Who's this?" Leelee asked instead of a proper greeting; it wasn't hostile, though, simply curious. Or perhaps something else, if the way that she took in a slow, lingering study of Ferus was anything to go by. She studied him from head-to-toe.
Obi-Wan sighed and, without really thinking about it, responded frankly, "this is my nephew." A white lie, and a cover he thought would suit things well enough. He did not venture to create an alias for Ferus.
"Oh," the woman replied, turning her eyes finally back to Obi-Wan, most of her interest dissipating when she was facing the older of the two men. A great deal of improvement from their first meeting when she had regarded him much as a piece of bantha meat. He hadn't been entirely sure how to deal with that.
He wasn't sure if it was what had happened that had dispelled that lusty look, or if Obi-Wan himself simply looked less and less appealing these days.
"I haven't seen you around the Claim in months," she added. "You didn't think to introduce your nephew to the locals?"
"You've come a long way," Obi-Wan replied, a very pointed non-answer.
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Ferus hid any discomfort he might've felt at the way she was looking at him just a bit too hungrily. Not that he was uneasy, exactly - it was more that he hadn't been regarded like that for ... a while, and it took him a moment to understand exactly the kind of scrutiny he was under, and once he did, it took him less than a second to decide that he wasn't interested in that kind of attention.
He kept an open enough stance, though, uncertain whether to play along or not, and not finding Obi-Wan any immediate help in what to do here. Obviously there was tension between him and this woman - Leelee, he reminded himself - but it didn't seem to be aggressive in the least.
So ... what? Bad neighbours?
But why seek him out?
Unless just to pick a squabble. Which Ferus found so small in the face of the enormity of what had happened to him lately that it became surreal.
But something about that, and some buried instinct for how to handle this kind of person, made Ferus incline his head with a polite smile as he took another look at her. Human, other than the colour of her skin. Didn't seem like she did a lot of labour, but she didn't have the look of one who hadn't worked a day in their life, either. Then again, that kind would be rare on Tatooine, he supposed.
"Well, so have I", he said smoothly, shooting Obi-Wan another look before turning more fully to her. It might have read as disparaging, but there was a subtle check-in there as well. "I only just got here. I'm Thyo."
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"I'm not," Obi-Wan interjected coolly.
Getting the hint, the woman started to explain herself. "It's about Annie. Annileen," Leelee quickly corrected. Obi-Wan frowned at the clear marker of distance. He didn't think it was likely that the Zeltron was having a squabble with her friend--no, it was far more likely that it was for Obi-Wan's sake. An indicator about his own relationship to Annileen or, rather, what Leelee thought of it and his entitlement to it. But when Obi-Wan didn't immediately respond, she turned once more to Ferus and offered to include him through a small explanation: "Annileen Calwell and her kids ran the store nearby. She left the planet shortly after Ben here arrived on Tatooine."
The meaning was clearer that time: Obi-Wan getting involved in the local affairs had caused the Calwells to leave behind their longtime home, was the accusation. Obi-Wan remained impassive, did not rise to the bait.
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Even if Obi-Wan was in hiding Ferus could imagine there were certain things he would have had a hand in. That wasn't surprising, and Ferus was the same way. But he trusted the man and had a hard time picturing him running someone off a planet just for the joy of it.
So he gave her a calm smile and a steady look, feigning misunderstanding and a friendlier nature than he was inclined to. There might be some benefit in leaving himself more open to this woman, especially if Obi-Wan was going to keep his distance.
"That's unfortunate. But my uncle did always have terrible timing."
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The man in question relaxed somewhat, glad that Ferus's friendlier disposition was having a positive effect. But he didn't feel particularly inclined to improving relations with the locals. None of them were eager to see him, and he preferred it that way. It was his role, now, to be apart. He didn't want Leelee encouraging otherwise.
It could compromise everything.
But he also couldn't dismiss her. "Is Annileen alright?" he asked, but his voice did soften with his concern.
The red-skinned woman looked back at him, this time studying him for a completely different reason. But she seemed to take the worry well enough. "She is," she said. "Adjusting to life on Alderaan, but she and the kids got there safely. It's been hard for her. And for us, without her." A touch of the hardness returned, but the woman shook her head. "But we're adjusting. And I guess she's not getting over you so quickly."
"There was nothing for her to get over," Obi-Wan corrected mildly, and Leelee looked amused.
"Right. Anyway, she told me how to find you. I guess she was worried about you, being kind of a loner and all. Wanted to make sure jawas hadn't stolen your house or something. She didn't tell me you had family."
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It was a joke, meant to further put Leelee in a good mood, to offer a not-explanation that would satisfy immediate questions and that could be used to steer the conversation elsewhere.
But even as he maneuvered the words, his mind was working, trying to make the bits of information he was inadvertedly getting fit together. The main standout, of course, was Alderaan. It seemed like everything would come to a point there, somehow, at least in his own life. He'd tensed slightly at the mention of the name, but he'd let that go, especially in favour of the implication Leelee was giving about Obi-Wan and this Annileen person.
It was always difficult to imagine Jedi in that kind of context. It had been difficult for Ferus to imagine himself in that kind of context until Roan had broken it down into understandable pieces. So he couldn't help feeling a little curious, but it was mild.
Mostly, he was aiming to get to what this woman was doing here, and he sensed pretty clearly that Obi-Wan wasn't that happy about the surprise visit, either. Might have been happier had it been Annileen, if Leelee was to be believed.
Flashing another quick smile, he added, "He didn't tell me he had neighbours."
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But then Leelee's eyebrows shot up in surprise at Ferus's return comment, and she looked around herself. "He has neighbours?" she asked. She turned around, eyes landing the dewback. The massive reptile stomped its feet excitedly. "Where?"
"Did you have a point, Leelee?" Obi-Wan asked, though this time it was amused and not so standoffish. He raised his own eyebrows at her as she turned around.
"Yes," she conceded, and began to fish into the bag she had brought with her. "She wanted me to check on you, but also to pass on a message. She guessed right that no one's seen you since she left planet. And since you're so difficult to get in contact with..."
Retrieving a datapad, she hit a few buttons to bring up a doc before handing it over to Obi-Wan. He fell silent as he looked at it, the relatively content look on his face falling away. While he read, Leelee turned her attention back to Ferus. "Are you staying long? You could come to the store. Unless you're as much of a recluse as your uncle, I guess."
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"Not me. I just stopped by to keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't get run over by a bantha. You know how he is", he said in a light and conspiratory manner, as if this was a shared inside joke. Admittedly, he was fishing some for what she did and didn't know about Obi-Wan - whatever she knew it didn't seem to be much, and clouded by her own opinions besides, but the fact that she seemed so familiar with him at all struck Ferus as ... out of the ordinary, maybe. Not worrying, but noteworthy.
Not looking at the other man but feeling like he could probably use another few moments with the datapad, Ferus leaned slightly towards her, feigning interest to keep her attention on him. "What kind of store is it? I take it you're the owner?"
Flattery goes a long way, one of Siri's most reluctant lessons to have passed on.
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She also seemed amused at the light flattery, studying Ferus again for a moment. "No," she corrected. "It was the Calwells', until they left, then they passed it on to one of their employees." A simplified version of the story, Obi-Wan knew, but he doubted Ferus would be interested in the finer details of local politics and so he offered no correction. "It's an everything store. Annie basically ran the show for a thirty kilometer radius, other than the local militia. Which she fed and watered."
There was a waver in her voice suddenly, but she cleared her throat and kept going. "I just use the postal service to ship my sculptures off-world. And do all my shopping there. Not to mention gather the local gossip, of which your uncle was a piece not too long ago."
While she was speaking, Obi-Wan finished with the datapad but said nothing, simply lowering the device and watching them both, letting them talk as much as they'd like.
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Implying that whatever might have happened, it would be typical of- what, Crazy Old Ben. Ferus had to hide his annoyance the longer he thought of it, feeling offended on Obi-Wan's behalf.
It really hit him then: that these people had no idea who he was. Nobody would laugh and dismiss a man like Obi-Wan if they knew what he was capable of. His exile was successful, but it came at a cost, and Ferus could feel the distaste of it, the unfairness - and it was about more than pride. It was about suddenly being no one.
Invisible. Dead.
Yet alive enough to attempt to fix a vaporator and dodge blame from nosy what-would-have-to-count-as-neighbours.
It was bizarre, and of course, exactly what awaited Ferus as well.
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He'd had a mixed bag of it, so far, as far as success went, but that was alright. He was managing. People left him alone now. Or at least they had, until today.
"We don't get newcomers around here very often, let alone ones that make much of a name for themselves. Story goes that he rescued Kallie--that's Annie's daughter--from a rampaging dewback. He was the talk of the lack-of-town for a little while; Kallie couldn't keep quiet about her hero. Naturally everybody wanted to know who the mysterious stranger on eopie-back was."
Obi-Wan sighed, finally interrupting if in a small way. He didn't say anything, though, just handed the datapad back to Leelee as a reminder that he was still there. In case she had forgotten.
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"A mysterious hero, obviously", he said in response, still keeping his tone light and playful, but there was no real smile this time, because he felt serious enough. "Sounds like the girl had him figured out."
He moved aside slightly as Obi-Wan moved past him, glancing at him then, then at the datapad as it changed hands.
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That was fine. It suited Obi-Wan just fine to be considered a coward, not a hero.
Still, he inclined his head to Ferus, subtly, appreciative of the sentiment behind the support.
"I'm glad to hear Annileen is well," Obi-Wan said, taking the moment's pause to divert the conversation away from himself. "I am sorry she had to leave. But she seems happy on Alderaan, and it sounds like her children are doing well."
"And did Kallie say 'hi?'" Leelee asked lightly.
"She did," Obi-Wan agreed, and finally he smiled again. "And, I suspect, a great deal more than that that her mother felt prudent to leave out."
"Probably. Kids are a handful. Don't have any," she added teasingly to Ferus.
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In the end, he simply cleared his throat slightly, said "I see", and knew he'd exposed a vulnerable point of attack in doing so.
Well. He'd survive it.
So long as he didn't let his mind drift to Trever or Lune, at least, but before he could tell himself not to go there he was picturing their departure, so soon to come. Trever wouldn't know him. Lune, who he had saved, who had been a point of hope for him when he was struggling with the dark side, would disappear.
No, he didn't have kids, but those two were important to him all the same, especially Trever. And he'd lose them.
He blinked, but then put on a smile to mask the conflicting emotion and forced himself to find momentum again.
"Speaking of kids", he said, turning to Obi-Wan, mostly to find an excuse to hide his face from Leelee for a short moment, "Tooh's eating all the food again."
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But more importantly, Obi-Wan sensed the tide of emotion in Ferus. He unconsciously reached out to him with the Force, drawing upon what connection they had, hoping to soothe him. Again, he was not so sure that their Force connection was strong enough for that communication. They had never been Master and Padawan. They hardly got along, at times. But he wanted to help.
He did not know for certain what it was that Ferus was thinking of, but Obi-Wan knew that he had few positive associations with children. There were the younglings at the Temple, their bodies scattered across the floor like discarded parts. But there was Luke, the toddler Obi-Wan cared for from a distance.
Children were... complicated.
For her part, Leelee just smirked openly and unabashedly at Ferus's awkwardness. She didn't fight him on the subject change though, but she sure seemed to take note of her little victory. It was a card to play.
"Well," Obi-Wan sighed. "Of course he is. Because there is of course an abundance of grain on this planet for him to indulge himself in."
Their visitor laughed and suggested, "you could always get more feed at the Claim. Annie would have wanted you to have the friends-and-family discount."
"Thank you," Obi-Wan said crisply, but he had no intention of going back.
... though of course, he could always send Ferus.
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Despite that he found that he kind of wanted to escape the situation altogether, actually, and he said to Obi-Wan, "I'll check on them again", then turned to Leelee with a quick smile and added, "nice to meet you."
He couldn't shake the mixed feelings of anticipation and dread, and the smirk of this stranger was not actually that helpful at the moment for a few reasons, so he made to await the acknowledgement on her part before going back to the small eopie enclosure. He wasn't going to be rude. He just felt about done here - this wasn't to do with him, and Obi-Wan could handle it.
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Unsurprisingly, though, there was a bit of an awkward silence that eased itself into the cracks of the conversation at Ferus's departure.
They continued talking after a moment, but soon the conversation was clearly drawing to a close. Neither of them were particularly inclined to extend the visit beyond necessity. Leelee had done her duty by Annileen, checking in on Obi-Wan and delivering the doc.
She had better things to do that keep hanging around a social outcast, after that.
"Goodbye, Ben," she eventually said.
Obi-Wan felt the note of finality to it, and felt certain this was the last he would be seeing of Annileen's friend. He did not regret that so much as he regretted that it meant she would never bring messages from Annileen again, either. "Goodbye, Leelee."
He watched the woman disappear over the horizon on her mount for a moment, quiet and thoughtful. Once she was well and truly gone, he turned back toward the hut and approached the corral.
"Are you alright?"
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He was sitting in what little shade there was, back against the wall of the hut, knees drawn up and his elbows resting on them. He'd kept an ear out for the remaining conversation between Leelee and Obi-Wan, hadn't paid attention to any words spoken, just made note of the fact that it went on and then ended, but for the most part he'd been letting his mind wander.
Of course he wasn't alright, but neither was Obi-Wan, and none of them would ever really be. For the moment however he didn't feel devastated or anything, just ... quiet, subdued. The memories were loud again, the thoughts of the boys.
Of Roan.
But he didn't feel particularly inclined to admit that right then.
Letting out a sigh, he let a moment pass and then returned the question. "Are you?"
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He didn't answer the return question right away, instead moving closer to the fenced off area where Ferus sat. He placed his hands on the posts, staring out at the eopies and letting himself get lost in thought for a brief moment.
Lately he was terrible at remaining in the present moment.
"I'm fine enough," he answered, a half-truth.
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But he too had trouble not thinking of the future or of the past.
So he considered Obi-Wan a bit of a distraction, and a welcome one, as he made a humming sound in unconvinced acknowledgement, but didn't press the matter just as Obi-Wan hadn't pressed him, and instead took the opportunity to change the subject.
"So who is Annileen?"
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But he was silent for a moment where he considered leaving the answer as nothing more than that retort. What did one say of Annileen?
It wasn't as if the subject were overly personal, but he had liked her and lost her. He had done the right thing, but he still felt the gap where his friend had been.
And so, ultimately, he said, "she was a friend, as you may have gathered."
It wasn't meant to be dismissive, and he hoped that Ferus understood that, but it was the key piece of information.
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Of course, at the more definitive answer, he nodded his understanding. He had gathered, through what Leelee had insisted and Obi-Wan's own reactions throughout the discussion. He felt like there was more to it than was encompassed by just 'friend' - not in a romantic sense, but in what role Annileen had played and what she had done for him - that Obi-Wan wasn't saying, but he wasn't about to push it.
It was a good thing Obi-Wan had had someone, at least. This existence was a lonely one.
"Why did she leave?" he asked after another few moments, not demanding an answer, but interested in knowing all the same.
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But Ferus was right, of course. Obi-Wan had certainly appreciated Annileen's companionship, while it lasted, however few times they had met in the grand scheme of things.
It was a lonely life in the desert. He would return to that soon.
He debated how much of the story to give Ferus. It wasn't as if there was any particular reason to keep it from him, but it was also of little consequence to Ferus, either. It also wasn't Obi-Wan's story to share.
"The militia that Leelee mentioned," he began, "was organized by a corrupt man. He deceived the people here for years, and made a habit of using the Calwells--as well as of rewarding them with the benefits reaped from his fraud. Annileen and her children needed to escape that legacy of deceit."
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It wasn't surprising, but it made him seem old.
Still, Ferus had no difficulty imagining Obi-Wan stepping in to help, because of course he would, and so the prompt was an assumption and not a question.
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"I did," he agreed. "I helped expose him, of course. But the settlers didn't take well to that, or to the assumption that the Calwells were involved."
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